I think one of the hardest parts about being in a relationship, for me at least, is remembering that while I love and care for that person, I'm also worthy of their love and care as well. I think a lot of people have this problem, we believe the person we are with is so perfect we have a hard time understanding why they want to be with us, why they wouldn't want to move on to something better. We drive ourselves crazy with "what ifs" and "I wonders". It's hard to remember that this person sees something in us too, something we may not see in ourselves.

It's easily one of my favorite times of year. Depsite the shopping, the stress of finals, the snow that I have to scrap from my car and all the times I'll slip on the ice or burn my tongue on a drink that is way too hot. I love turkey, driving around looking at Christmas lights, decorating the tree, spending time with my love ones, the songs I'm forced to play on the piano and giving to those who need it, and those I was blessed with. As per tradition, many people made a list of all the things they are grateful for, of all the things they were blessed with, but if I was to make a list of everything in my life I was blessed with it'd be way too long. A house, food, clothes, an environment where I was always loved despite my faults. So I won't, instead, in this year of challenges consisting of hospitalizations, doctor visits, cancer, lost friendships and relationship challenges, I want to talk about how thankful I am for the people who got me through it.
My family is probably one of the loudest, most dysfunctional, loving group of people ever. I'm so blessed to have these people in my life. Parents I can call at midnight on my birthday, at 2 A.M to vent. Siblings who I can share everything with, Aunts, Uncles, cousins and grandparents who show me what love is suppose to consist of, how life is suppose to be moved by love. My friends and sisters who have been there for the long conversations, for every time I felt like I wasn't enough, to encourage me to try new things and to be there if I fail at those things. My boyfriend of over a year, who renewed my faith in men, who renewed my faith in trust and in love, who can sit with me and have a variety of serious conversations and then do a puzzle and have a tickle fight. A man who truly understands beings faithful and who loves me despite all of my imperfections. My high school counselor who caught me before I fell too far and was there when I wasn't sure how to stop. And of course, God, who I forget to thank all too often, for giving me all these beautiful people in my life.
To have these people in my life is not a right, it's a privilege, denied to many. So while I'll continue to curse the snow, my finals and everything in between, when it comes down to the basics I will always be thankful that I have so many people in my life that give me what truly matters. Love. 

Instead of showing love and appreciation for each other in physical ways, it has to be in words. Instead of going out with each other and going home with each other, we have to trust. It’s been using words when what you really need is a hug. It’s been texts saying I really want to kiss you, instead of just doing it, and typing good night instead of looking at each other and saying it. It’s been different. It’s been hard, it’s been a lot of crying and skype dates and phone calls. A lot of I miss you, I love you, I want you. Doing things with out each other that we really just want to be together for.

It’s making our relationship stronger. It's been missing each other, wanting each other, because everything is so much better when the other one is around. It’s being okay with only 72 days a year, because I’d rather have those 72 days with him than 365 days with someone else. It’s showing that sometimes it’s true that the best things aren’t the easiest.

Dear you,

I'm so much better at writing letters now than blog post. Maybe it is the topic or maybe because it's all about you. In the few years I've known you I have never had anyone care so deeply for me. I  never had someone be sad when I was sad, or be happy because I was happy. I was lucky to have found you when I had no one. This year, however, I'm sadden by what seems to be happening to our relationship. We don't spend nights together talking, we don't go on random drives, we don't even leave the parties together any more.
You were there for me more than anyone during some of the roughest parts of my life, and I have no doubt that you still will be, but what happened to all the silly things in between that made everything so much better. Because it was, everything with you is just so much better.
You taught me something I spent years trying to teach myself. You taught me to love myself first, and that if I loved myself first it wasn't nearly as scary to be in love with someone else. You taught me that it is okay to be the one who cares more, but to never settle for a relationship were you are constantly that person.
You held my hair back when I was sick, you cuddled me on nights I was sad, and if I had a dollar for every time I was glad the body next to me after a night of drinking was you I would at least be able to buy a happy meal at McDonalds. You were my superhero when I was here, my home away from home.
I think it is important people aren't as lucky as us, to have someone that no matter the time or the distance, how many years it has been since we've talked or even seen each other, we are still connected.
It's you bug, only you.
I love you.

Cwiggle

With everything in life there are always unseen moment, an unknown meaning and a feeling that is unexplainable. In life nothing is ever as it seems. We have all had those moments in life that came with out warning. Maybe it was a good thing like a surprise party, a surprise kiss or crush. Maybe it was bad like a failing grade on a test you thought you did really well on, a break up or a death. Life has a way of taking our breath away, of making our hearts fall into our stomach, a way of reminding us that what we are feeling at that moment is what people call being alive, good or bad.

I believe in telling the people you love that you love them at least once a day. I don't think there is a right time or a wrong time, but just do it at least one time. Before you go to bed, when you wake up or randomly in the middle of the day. Say it once. I believe it is important.

In French, you don't really say "I miss you" you say "tu me manques" which means "you are missing from me." I love that.