Things I Like To Do When I'm Mad

So we all get like this were we are so mad thinking clearly and rationally doesn't seem to be working. So instead of continuing to envision how'd I'd like to beat the crap out of certain people, I try to do other things, more healthy things. So that being said I bring to you my list of things I do when I'm mad.

1. Craft- like any good sorority woman should do. 
2. Cook- thank God I don't eat when I'm angry. 
3. Work out 
4. Blog :) 
5. Try something new- like for example I'm working on getting my boaters licenses right now. 
6. Clean
7. Throw out old stuff- the last time I was truly upset and at home I disposed of all my high school memorabilia in a box and put it in the attic, while I wish I hadn't done so now, at the time I felt great! 
8. Nap- if I'm asleep I'm not thinking about how angry I am. 
9. Shop- Thank God I have a job that allows me to do this. 
10. Drive around aimlessly and take pictures. 

One of my favorite songs to listen to when I'm mad or upset 

High School

I spent graduation night like many high schoolers do, drunk and with my best friends. And that was just the start to the best summer I've ever had, a summer that separated some of the best years of my life. I've written about high school before but I never really realized how amazing my high school experience was. No I didn't drink often, I didn't go to keggers or get in trouble often. But I went out, I did a lot of things I regretted and then didn't so much, I snuck out, and had fun with my friends. I never thought I was missing out on anything, and I know I wasn't, but when I entered college and all my new friends talked about all the times they drank with their friends, part of me felt like I missed out on something in high school.

But that wasn't fair to myself.

I was involved, I had a huge group of friends, I had opportunities to travel, and I had my priorities. To me drinking and partying was for college, not high school. We had fire pits, went to carnivals and movies, went on trips and basically did what others did drunk, we were just sober. I loved high school, I loved every opportunity I got whether it was to go somewhere, to perform in front of over a thousand people, indulge in football and basketball and tailgating or just sit outside and watch a meteor shower on the roof during a bonfire. I think I've always reduced my love for high school as a way to make it easier to move on but there was no reason I needed too, I can still have those friends and do those things but only a few months out of the year.

I always knew there was a reason I was going to be a high school teacher.

Garden State

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the home you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? And all of a sudden the idea of 'home' is gone and you feel like you can never get it back. It's like you're homesick for a place that doesn't even exist." -Large

Rain Storms

One of my favorite memories was from when I was in second grade. Our brick house had this covered front porch and when it would rain I would sit outside and watch the lightening and play with my dolls.
One of my favorite smells is rain. You know how you can smell right before it rains? & of course, how it smells right after?
One of my favorite sounds is rain. When it rains I like to lay in bed with my head next to the open window and listen to it hit the roof.
To me there is nothing like rainstorms. One of my goals in life is to have a house with a wrap around porch for the pure reason of being able to watch rainstorms.
Lately it has been raining a lot here in good ole' Kansas. Today I went mudding, played in the rain with 5 year olds, and right now I'm sitting in my garage watching it. A lot of people associate sadness with rain, I know I did when I was little. My parents always use to tell me that rain was God crying because we did something bad (great for the self-esteem of a 4 year old by the way.) The thunder was God bowling and lightening was his celebration for a strike.
Some of my best memories happen when it rains. Some of the best things happen when it rains. For one it is really good for crops (the little girl I babysit tells me this all the time). You can have kisses in the rain, playing in the rain (if you just said you were too old for that we can't be friends), reading while it is raining, or even napping while it is raining.
So to sum it all up, I love rain and while I would love some sunshine in the forecast this week, a few days of rainstorms really ain't that bad because in order to have a rainbow you have to have a little bit of rain, and who doesn't love a motherfucking rainbow!

It's raining in this picture that was taken at the lake, it is just kind of hard to tell.

Time Limits

We are use to time limits in a world that is run by a clock. Seventy-five minutes to take a test, seven minutes to get to your class, a week to do a project, a month to plan that party. We have dates and places to be at certain points. We even have time limits in life. When you should get married, when you should have a baby, how long you should wait before you meet the parents, when you apply to school and graduate and etc.
Tonight one of my conversations revolved around the right time to say I love you, and while we both agree it should be when you feel it, we were puzzled by what should happen if they don't say it back for a while. Now I've never told someone I loved them first, so I'm not sure what it is like not to hear it back, but I'm sure it is awful and this is one of the biggest reasons why. My worry is that if someone says it first and the other doesn't say it back how long do you hold on to the relationship? Obviously you wouldn't just leave right then, but do you wait 3 months, half a year, forever? When do you realize that he isn't ever going to love you, that this relationship isn't going anywhere and you need to pick up your dignity and move on?
By saying it first I worry it is like putting a time limit on your relationship.
Saying "I love you" is like setting an alarm in your relationship.

Finding Someone

I used to think that finding someone you clicked with, someone who made your stomach feel sick, your hands to start to shake and your whole body feel off balance... was always going to mean it was something special. But these are things that just happen-- they're not a result of something he's doing for you. He isn't making these things happen, they just are. What I've come to realize is.. once the butterflies fly away.. and the sickness subsides, what matters is how he makes you feel on purpose --the feelings he can cause in you that are every bit of his control. His calling to say 'hi', quoting a movie line to make you laugh or learning to accept that you like the one team in baseball he can't stand. These are the feelings that do not just fade away in time, because he won't let them-- if its really something, he'll be able to make you feel those things no matter the circumstance.
-Hollie Seals