Your Nest

Do birds go back to the nests in which they’re born? Not after building their own nests, I imagine. But they survive on a different code than we do, and we had to build planes to help us fly. They are built for it. Before planes, it was a much more difficult task to move away. Eventually, it also becomes a difficult task to want to go back home, because what waits for you there? An escape from the life you now live? This — here — is the present. Who knows where the future might be? Who knows what an individual person’s priorities are, and who’s to say whether they’re right or wrong? It is not a sign of defeat to want to revisit home, to be a child again, to be cared for by parents and friends if you’re so lucky to still have them. Nor is it a mark of insensitivity or ungratefulness if you can’t, or don’t want to go home.
Maybe you’ve rebuilt a nest already, and you’re already home.

Post Secret- May 20

Oh The Places You'll Go...

Dear Baby Cay,

"Congratulations! Today is your day. You're off to great places! You're off and away!"

-Dr Seuss 

You, baby girl, are the most beautiful inspiring woman, and today, the day of your high school graduation, I am so blessed to call you my sister. You are about to start an amazing journey, and while we leave our parents to join the empty nesters club, I know they are extremely proud of you too. We have gone through so much together, even in the past years with me being 200 miles away we were there for each other, on the phone crying, laughing or texting about how stupid school is. I'm so blessed to have had the privileged to be apart of your life, a life that I know many people are just as happy to be apart of. All of this being said I have some advice for you, like all big sisters should. 

First, don't be afraid to take chances, to get in trouble, to let go. People discover themselves in these moments. 

Second. Don't ever let anyone tell you who you are and aren't. No one will ever be able to define you, to stereotype you. You will always be better than that. And don't ever tell anyone who they are. You are also better than that.

Third. Procrastinate. Get it done, but take your time doing so. Some of my favorite memories from college have come from procrastinating. 

Fourth. Make friends with people you normally wouldn't, date people you normally wouldn't. Sometimes you find what you are looking for with out even knowing that is what you needed. 

Fifth. Be that girl. Not THAT girl. But that girl. The one who leads and doesn't follow. Be a lady, but be a strong lady. Be opinionated, stand up for yourself, but be polite. There is a fine line in being THAT girl and that girl, and you are that girl.

Sixth. On that note, be a bitch. It's a Wiley women trait that you must carry on. Right, Mom? 

Seventh. You have a past you can reflex on, you have a past that you can think of fondly. Remember that it is your past. You can't write the next chapter of your life while still living in the past. No one wants to read the same chapter twice. 

Lastly, always remember you can come home, and know that you can have more than one home. The first time I referred to school as home I felt guilty. Don't. Your home will move with your heart, and your heart will always have room from multiple homes. You will always have a family that will be here for you. Remember you are blessed. 

So congratulations pretty girl! I love you, I couldn't be happier for you, and remember this is just the beginning of something so much bigger. 

Love forever and always, 

Sissy 

 

Time Capsules

Alfred Hitchcock once said, "we seem to have compulsion these days to bury time capsules in order to give those people living in the next century or so some idea of what we are like." But it seems some of us bury time capsules for more immediate purposes, not to let people know who we were a 100 years ago, but to let ourselves know who we were four years ago. Or that is what we did in high school. We would make them freshman year and open them the week before graduation in the cafeteria. It is funny, it is sentimental, but mostly it was a right of passage for a lot of us.  It's hard to believe that we can change that much in four years, or as I reflect now, that we could change that much in two. We can see the difference in gas prices, in music, social media, and maybe even physically, but mentally we grow so steadily we don't realize it. Reflecting on the past can be tricky, we can get stuck there, wishing that was how things still were, missing those moments, but it is so important to reflect so we can continue to grow. To appreciate the past for making us who we are, but leaving the past there. I think that is one of my favorite things about these time capsules, they always have a "what I think I will be doing in the future" section. It is fun to compare that with now, but it is even better to think of all the things I may do in the future that I can't even imagine. You can't write your next chapter while living in the last, there is a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror.

My Quarter Life Crisis

We hear about mid life crisis all the time, people having affairs, buying fancy cars, or other things they can't afford. However a new phrase in my vocabulary has been quarter life crisis. I turned twenty in the middle of March, but just this week it has hit me how old I've really become. Okay, some of you reading this may think I'm being dramatic, and sure I probably am, because twenty in retrospect really isn't that old, but come on guys, I'm going to be a  JUNIOR in college. A JUNIOR. Now this fact wouldn't be so terrifying if I didn't realize how quick the last two years have gone, it wouldn't be so terrifying if I didn't realize my life is no where near what I thought it would be by now.
My quarter life crisis caused me to do something that was totally irrational and probably one of the most dangerous things I have ever done. What you may ask? Run. In the dark. Alone. Around my campus. And while I avoid the gun shots, the sketch car that followed me, and didn't pass out of heat exhaustion, I wasn't able to avoid my thoughts, because lets be real I can't run THAT fast. The past few days have been hazy, I've been worried, I've been upset, I've been happy, and I've been restless. All these emotions left me laying on a sundial crying on the phone to my mom.
Let me be clear, I love my life, I love my family and friends, I have a good boyfriend and good people in my life. I'm excited about my future, where ever it takes me, but it isn't anything like I thought it'd be. Isn't that how life always works though? Some people think that is the beauty of life, the unexpected, and I guess to a point it is. When I look back on how I thought my life would be by now I'd have to say that I was being irrational, almost as irrational as deciding to run. Almost. In the past couple of years major milestones have occurred in my life, just like many of you. One of the most difficult things however has been learning to love myself. Recently in one of my classes we talked about how a lot of women base their value on how men think about them, which is exactly how I am. I like to think I'm independent, despite the fact I don't enjoy being alone, but I have always very consistently had a boy in my life. I have always, very consistently, not valued myself because someone else didn't seem to. I have always, always, let that emotionally and physically hurt me. I think that's the start to my quarter life crisis. Finding the value of myself. Although, at least this is what my mom told me, this is normal for twenty somethings, because yes we are all slowly becoming twenty somethings (cry with me).
My life isn't on a path I expected, I'm not as mature or as serious as I thought I was going to be, which I think right now I'm thankful for. And I don't know how to deal with my quarter life crisis, I'm not sure how I'm going to get rid of the nerves or this feeling of restlessness I've been dealing with, but if this is anything like AA (which I haven't been to but I've heard things), isn't admitting it the first step?
So Hi, I'm Courtney. And I'm going through a quarter life crisis.