Pushing the Limit

I believe in learning from past experience but not using them as a cope out. 

My ex boyfriend, my best friend of 8 years, cheated on me. With a guy. I cant sugar coat it, I can't make it seem better or worse than it was, it just is what it is. I've been hesitant to write this for about 5 months because I didn't want to be outing him, or crossing lines. But this isn't about him, its how it affected me. Now you can sit there and think I'm a bitch for not realizing how hard it was for him to come out, so let me just get this out of the way. We had been friends for 8 years, I knew him, i could've told you how he would've reacted in almost any situation. I know how hard it was for him. No I've never done it, but your boyfriend (or girlfriend) has probably never cheated on you with another guy (or girl). When all this happened last April, my biggest worry was what were people going to think when they found out. Now, even my friends and family like to take a stab at me with jokes about it (for example: "don't turn this one gay court", or "what was his last boyfriends  name?") and while I laugh them off, they still hurt. But out of all of this, I didn't just lose a relationship that I thought would last forever, I lost a lot of trust, and not just for him but for men in general. How could he have not said something when he had this thought first. While I understand his sexual orientation is all about him, he did still cheat on me, and didn't tell me things he was thinking, which communication is key. I trusted him. Probably more than anyone, and that trust in the end just bite me in the ass. So why would I risk trusting someone that I just met, why would I want to throw myself into a relationship when I've tried that and the end result was this. While I understand the likely hood of this exact thing happening again is not likely, a relationship ending because of a change in sexual orientation is not an area I thought I was going to have to familiarize myself with.

Throughout the summer I slowly realized how it had affected me. The first time I visited Des Moines, I was drunk and sitting outside bawling because "the thought of it all made me nauseous". His friends came to visit and I had to leave because they all sat there and laughed about the situation. But the impact has been fierce. While a year ago I wanted to be very young when I married and have kids, right now I'd rather adopt and call it good. Realizing that someone I cared about deeply, never cared about me and wouldn't have the ability to was heartbreaking. Watching them care more about someone else, is unbearable. The whole kicker of the entire situation is that he lied. Someone I had trusted and was so close to had lied to me, and I could even tell. 

So, when I talked to my ex about this he told me that he wanted me to believe in Prince Charming and in happily ever after again. My respond: Why? You know there is a reason the fairytale end at the wedding.