I Won't Give Up

If you read my blog regularly, hell even on occasion, you know that I blog a lot about love. The problems that occur from it, the emotional baggage that comes from it and all the beautiful things that do too. But I don't know why I write about love or, I suppose, how, seeing as I have never been in love. So, yes, basically I'm admitting that I have no idea what I'm writing about and that most of these blog post are bull shit about what I assume love would be like. I can't tell you what it feels like to be in love, or how you know or really anything about it.
My friend Derek once told me that love is subjective, it isn't black and white, one person can be head over heels and the other just never feel it. We put so much pressure on love at such a young age. Okay, no I've never been "in love" but I'm almost twenty years old and couldn't even describe what I think love should feel like. People say butterflies, rainbows, always being happy and sure that would be great but I once read a quote that said "Love makes extraordinary things feel ordinary"and that almost seems more accurate, the first sounds more like the "honeymoon" stage my roommate refers to on occasions.
And we love so many things. I read in a article from Thought Catalog that we love things like our favorite candy or stuff animal and we don't one day look at it and go, for instance me and my stuffed elephant "Oh, I love you peanut", no, it just happened. What is it about loving a human that makes it so hard to admit that we have these feelings or to admit we don't? We wait to feel the spark, not the comfort, we wait to be overwhelmed by emotion, not seeing the slow increase instead, we want everything now and how we want it, or at least I know, I do.
I've gotten into this crazy thing about being the only one who doesn't know what being in love is like. I know I'm psychotic. But I can't sit here and be annoyed with myself or others for not loving me or for me not knowing if I love them. I can't just expect to wake up and realize I love them or vice versa. It will happen when it is suppose to and maybe it wont happen at the same time or at all. Maybe I'm already in love and just can't admit it because I know the other person doesn't reciprocate the emotion. I don't know about this whole love thing, but what I do know is you can't pressure it if it isn't right and that good things come to those who wait and blessings find those who don't go searching for them.