Why Relationships Can Suck & Still Be Worth It

 "So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

--Tuesday's With Morie

We all have off days, we wake up late, forgot to do a paper, failed our last test and then dropped our computer on the floor. These days get exponentially worse when you drag someone else into your misery too. And that is just one reason being in a relationship can suck. Especially when you are a young adult and you are mostly worried about yourself and fail to see how one wrong text message can immediately alter someones mood for the rest of the day. But it does. And then your off day becomes your relationships off day. And you get stuck in this cycle for the rest of the day going back and forth with are you mad at me's, but you can't help it because everything else is going wrong today so of course this would too!
This is just one of the pitfalls to relationships. But there are many, you worry about another human's emotions, actions and thoughts. You get frustrated when you two don't always want the same thing or when something doesn't work out, you take out every emotion on them for no reasons, and you are paranoid that you aren't good enough. Relationships are one of the biggest confidence killers and boosters around. You have to realize you can't always win, there will be days you will say everything wrong and you just have to keep going and hope that it doesn't ruin everything you work for.
Relationships suck. A lot. But it is because they are hard, if it is easy it isn't worth it. You have to work at things every day and every day isn't going to be easy. But relationships are just like everything else, the more work you put in them the better they are.
Because relationships really are worth the effort both parties have to put in. So it is a troublesome to have to worry about someone elses well being, but isn't nice to know that someone is worrying about yours? And sometimes schedules don't match up and it gets frustrating but isn't nice to have someone who wants to see you as often as they can? And the blame gets placed where it shouldn't, and sometimes we yell at each other because of something totally unrelated, but we feel like we can do that because if we truly didn't want to be with each other we wouldn't be right? We can get in fights because we know that the other person isn't going to just pack their bags and leave before we even get the chance to say "I'm sorry."
I'm in a relationship and I wont lie and say we never fight or never misunderstand each other, in fact it is a cold day in hell if we can get through a day with out either of these things occurring, but on mornings like Tuesday, where I had only been awake for an hour and everything had gone wrong, it was nice to know I had someone to call, who not only at that moment cared about whether I was okay or not but twelve hours later still worried.
Relationships are worth every moment that you wanted to bang your head against the wall because you didn't understand, every time you wanted to call it quits and move on, and all the bad things we whine about every day. Because knowing that there is someone who can reciprocate the emotional tie you have to them and that they will be there for you even when you don't want them to be will always beat out those moments or days of frustration.

Things I Wont Ever Understand

Two blogs in one day but this one is because I'm antsy and I want to give my roommate some reading material for tomorrow morning.

So as I lay here watching infomercials I have developed a list of things I wont ever understand..

1. Forever lazy- seriously isn't this just like footie pajamas for adults. Wtf. 
2. Why 90 percent of drivers don't use turn signals and then get mad that someone wont let them over. Sorry, man who just flipped me off, I forgot to turn on my telepathic powers on today and didn't realize that you wanted over. Fuck you. 
3. People who use hashtags on twitter. 
4. The fact that my roommates lactose medicine is flavored vanilla ice cream, seriously?
5. Why it sounds like someone is having sex above me in my dorm room, but I live on the top floor? 
6. Also why the fuck does it sound like someone is trying to escape through my heating unit? 
7. & why is the school closing a road to re do it two weeks before winter break... seriously? 
8. Teacher salaries 
9. Why all girls think that if a guy talks to them he is hitting on them
10. Teachers who can't teach in their time frame. 
11. Why some girls want sex more than guys
12. Why some guys want to date girls... we are fucking crazy 
13. Why smokers are always looking for a lighter- shouldn't you be more prepared.
14. ATM machine. Automated teller machine machine... 
15. Weed is illegal and hasn't killed anyone but cigarettes are legal and well... 

Back to the Future

I've always believed that in order to be in a relationship with someone you needed to know and understand almost everything about them. However, upon entering college I realized how improbable this idea was when you haven't known the person since the first grade. It wasn't until recently that I realized it isn't really even that important to know much about their past unless it is going to effect your future together. I won't lie and say I can accept this fact with arms wide open, especially considering I am fairly open in what I have experienced, but it does make more sense. So, with help from my roommate, we have collaborated a list of five things that just aren't necessary to bring up in relationship.

1. Any of your ex's. Unless they gave you an STD, sit outside your window every night, or there's a chance they are going to try to off me, it isn't necessary to bring them up. 
2. That one time, with those one friends, when you did that one thing. Yes, we love hearing your stories, but we don't need to hear a variation of the same story every day. We get it you have friends.
3. Any of your sexcapades. Let us think we are the second (I'd like to know about the loss of your v card) and let us think we are the best. It may not be true but don't worry we know that too. Without it being said. 
4. We don't need to know every single thing you are doing. If you are doing laundry and a quarter rolls under the machine... that's great, but unless a clown on an unicycle comes wheeling in while you are getting it, I probably don't need to know.
5. We like knowing about your childhood, and we like seeing the photos of you as a child, but unless stories like the first time you rode your bike are more relevant to a situation. Please don't feel the need to tell it.

So lets be realist, something I am absolutely horrible at, if it isn't going to affect you and your new partner, if it doesn't mean you have to lie about something, and it isn't something that is going to pop up randomly later, then there probably isn't a need to mention it unless asked. This doesn't mean you shouldn't tell stories, that is always encouraged, but somethings just aren't necessary to discuss. Typically your significant other doesn't care when you took your first steps, or that ex you had who did that one thing in bed, as long as you tell them what is important that is all that matters.

Holy Rough Morning

It is said that we can create our own state of mind. After a rough morning filled with a lot of negative aspects instead of reflecting on those I want to reflect on the things and people in my life that make me happy. In psychology we talk about how smiling can make you happier simply because you smiled so maybe this will help. 

My family makes me happy, there are few people I know who go home to a family who congratulates you on how loud you can burp and will run around Walmart with you at midnight. They aren't just always there for me if I need them, they are there for me when I don't want them.
My roommate Sarah, and the girls on my floor and my sorority sisters make me happy. It is actually impossible for me to stay mad at any of them because they are all so goofy. I have never met a more respecting group of people or ones that were this loving.
My boyfriend makes me happy, even though he never believes me. I always thought it took a lot of effort to date me, and I'm sure if you asked him it probably does, but he doesn't ever turn his back on me (metaphorically of course, speaking in literal terms he does it all the time) even when I make outrageous comments. He doesn't always realize how much the little things mean to me like sneaking up on me in the dinning hall or sending me a text when he wakes up in the morning, but it is the little things that really make me crazy about him.
Peanut, yes my stuffed animal, makes me happy. He smells like home, although Sarah might try to argue he smells slightly different, and ever since I was five he is the only "boy" that has been there for me. It is a comfort thing, so what if it is childish, sue me.
Class getting cancelled is also pretty sweet, but I mean, no explaination needed.
Thunderstorms, rain and stars make me happy. If I could go hiking and spend all day outside in beautiful weather I would. I love the stars at night and have always been thankful I grew up somewhere where I could see them, and I love the smell of rain, the sound of thunder, and the feeling of rain on my skin. To me there has always been something liberating about nature.
Last, but of course not least, and this list could go on and on but I have another paper to write, so baking and photography make me happy. These topics are grouped together because they are both very theraputic for me, baking gives me a sense of purpose while photography gives me an outlet. I love driving around wasting gas to find places to take pictures and things to take pictures of, and can't wait for it to become warm so I don't have to freeze my ass off while doing it.

We can't always choose how everything happens in life, and we can't manipulate situations to benefit us and our loved once. But what we can do is realize that when the world gives us a reason to frown, there are a million of reasons to keep smiling.

On a side note: you should all donate and support research for both Cancer and Diabetes, give someone else another reason to smile by helping out.

For some reasons this song has always made me happy. I don't know if it is because it is associated with lazy days on the boat at Table Rock or what but enjoy :)

Like Crystal in a World of Glass

It has been a while since I have asked you guys a question, but I have one today, a big one. Now I'm going to voice my thought process and I don't want anyone to get upset or offended because I don't know what I'm talking about. I haven't and wont ever have had one of these experiences but I am experiencing the other. I need you guys to understand my perspective, just like I will try to understand yours. My question for you is if divorce affects children more than teenagers?

I have a friend whose parents got divorced when she was two and she always says that it had little to no impact on her. She has a very healthy relationship with her boyfriend of over a year and a good relationship with both parents. My argument, and again not trying to offend anyone because  I know divorce is a very situational family experience, is that it affects teenagers in a different, more scarring way.

I have been watching a relationship deteriorate for over 4 years, the marriage of my parents. There have been moments where I  truly believed, despite all the bad things in their relationship that have happened, they would still be together. Like last February when my father was in the hospital. But it doesn't work. My mom sleeps in a different room, and having my father tell me at dinner he just doesn't see this chapter of his life continuing after my sister graduates college and then I sat there and cried at Johnnys is a moment that could easily define my problems in relationships.

Love is suppose to be invincible, whether its Disney's fault or our parents, we all grow up believing that we will find that one person we love and live together and be happy. Love is suppose to win. As a child you don't fully understand marriage or all the bad things in the world, as a young adult you do and you have grown up to believe that it will all be okay as long as you have love. So when the love that was shared between the two people who brought you to life, the love that was used to make you and your siblings, that was suppose to last and not only be an example for you but for the family that we were told that you will make because of love, when that falls apart it hits you like when a rock hits a window. It shatters your heart. Because as young adults we know, that not everything works out, but that love is suppose to be the one thing that does.

And that is my argument. Because sometimes the break ups that break your heart the most aren't the ones from the relationship you were in but from the relationship that use to hold you together and taught you what love was.

Love was suppose to win. 

A heart is a fragile thing. That's why we protect them so vigorously, give them away so rarely, and why it means so much when we do. Some hearts are more fragile than others. Purer, somehow. Like crystal in a world of glass, even the way they shatter is beautiful.
-Everwood

A Hospital for the Broken

This guy has some incredible videos. Here are just a few. 

Sexual Healing (my favorite)

Jesus Wins 

Why I Hate Religion (But Love Jesus)

The Thorn of Relationships

He who wants the rose must respect the thorn. 

I think we can all agree that one of the great things about living in America is our ability to have different opinions and support, change and voice them. However one thing that has always bothered me is the respect people show for others opinions. I would never suggest that we all should believe the same thing, that would be close minded, I'm open to any form of healthy discuss about any topic, until it gets personal. For example, I very openly support equal marriage rights for homosexual couples, part of this is because I have numerous people in my life, including a close relative, who are homosexual and because I love them I want them to be able to experience everything in life that heterosexual people can. This goes for marriage to allowing them to adopt children. This belief is the one I refuse to change. I believe that when the bible says for us to love everyone that is what we should do. 

But this isn't about my stance on gay marriage. This is about my stance on respect. We will never meet someone whose beliefs are identical to ours in every way, and we shouldn't. We should never become that alike. But respecting someone is a totally different thing then agreeing with them. I will never ask someone to change their opinion, I will never not be friends with someone because of their opinion, unless of course they are some arrogant ass who can't seem to shut up about them. But if someone can't respect my views like I respect theirs than I simply can't associate with that person. Back to the example of gay marriage. I can tolerate someone not believing they should get married (if they have a reason) but if they can't respect the individual who I love so dearly just because they are gay, then that isn't going to work. I'll respect you and the people in your life despite my beliefs if you can reciprocate.

It goes back to the quote I began this blog with. In order to have the rose you have to respect the thorn. You are going to meet people who are beautiful inside and out during your life, but you aren't going to always agree with what they believe. But as the quote says, in order to have them you have to respect the things that come with them.