Self Actualization

"I had always thought of myself as aware and thoughtful, but it had occurred to me that most people believed this of themselves. Even as they cheated on their lovers and averted their eyes from the homeless. You could ask a wife beater if he was a good person and he'd probably say yes."

As my freshman year comes to an end I want to talk about a class I took. Intellectual maturity and personal development. With Wanda. For anyone that goes to my school you automatically know how intense this class could possibly be. The first week we were in the class she asked us, "who are you?" Okay well, I'm a friend/daughter/sister, I love music, I'm nice, so on and so forth. As we shared I realized almost everyone described themselves the same way. And so our challenge started. First semester freshman year we were suppose to find out who we were, not who we thought we were. Everyone wants to believe they are nice and caring, but when push comes to shove thats not always the case.  People who are truly nice, are typically annoying and no fun. So when I said I was nice I wasn't lying but thats not really what I am. I'm bitchy, funny, sarcastic, and sometimes, on accident, offensive, but catch me on a good day with a good friend & I will always have their back. So I struggled, all semester. I made bad decisions, went out too much, struggled in class and fought with friends. I had amazing nights dancing, watched stupid shows with funny people, rearranged my room every time my roommate & I changed boys, called my mom crying, and finally, with everything crashing around me, all my old beliefs and old self leaving every pore, I felt... plain. Not like I was the old me, if I looked at myself in the mirror I couldn't even recognize me. I had pierced my nose & belly button, dyed my hair, and got a tattoo, but that was just physical. Emotionally, I had never felt so naked before in my entire life. I imagined every person looking at me and knowing everything about me, every thought I had. I had never felt so beautiful and so like me in my entire life.
So then Wanda asked, "Who are you?", and while I'm still changing and still discovering I would never describe myself as a good person, I've made too many mistakes to be one. So while I can't fully answer and I know you probably don't care, with all of this I have realized that we are never who we think we are, we aren't all good people, we don't give every homeless person we see money and we aren't always faithful to our partners.
So that's my challenge to you... I'm asking you... Who are you? Actually. Don't hold back.

Listen to this song, it's amazing & on repeat :)