Daddy's Girl

I don't think there's anything more important than making peace before it's too late. & it almost always falls to the child to try to move toward the parent. 

-- Jane Fonda

When I was in 5th grade I started having these very graphic and violent thoughts of my family dying, of my house catching on fire, of someone breaking into my house and killing me. Until I was in 8th grade I would lay in bed late at night and pretend I was reasoning with the robber so I could think of ways to control them. Ridiculous? Very. Did I ever get to practice these bizarre scenarios? No. 

This is when I became obsessed with the idea of pretending like every moment is your last.

It is arguable that we all have moments, where we realize how fragile life can really be, but how do you make someone else realize how fragile their life is, especially when it is at risk? 

My dad is diabetic, has been since he was 30. My family does the Walk to Cure Diabetes and I have seen my dad give himself shots after every meal for as long as I can remember. He coughs a lot, and at age 48 was in the hospital due to diabetic ketoacidosis.

My grandpa is diabetic. He has had a heart attack or stroke almost every year since I was in fourth grade, but he's first one was when he was fifty. He coughs, he shakes, he can't stand up on his own. He is 76. 

It is scary that my dad and my grandpa who are thirty years apart have so much in common health wise. After my dad left his week long stay in the hospitals intensive care unit he had to start seeing a diabetic doctor who helps him figure out what he can eat and when he should take his shots. I've never been more aware of the way my dad walks, stands, talks, coughs, or shakes then I am now. He was instructed not to drink more than one beer every so often with a meal. And for awhile it worked. Instead of beer and vodka our refrigerator had diet coke and green tea (and wine but that was for mom). And then he started his pattern again. A beer in the basement, one in the bathroom, one in the garage (or more), and one in the kitchen. 

The past few mornings I have received messages from my sister asking about dads cough, or he sounded like he was throwing up, or "was he face paler before he got sick?". This morning I got one informing me that he was back to drinking before work too. 

How do you make someone value their life as much as you do? 

My mom makes comments all the time about how I need to learn to accept the fact he wont be there for my graduation, my wedding, my kids. Every day these becomes more and more real.

So for once, I don't have an answer. So you tell me. 

How do I make my dad realize how fragile his life is, and how much I need him around?