I have a test, two papers, a lesson plan, and a project due in the next two days. So naturally I'm going to blog, I'll call it my third stress reliever of the day. Yup third. Before you start reading this blog I want to warn you, its fairly open. You may disagree with some of my life decisions, so I'm here to tell you I don't care. If you can't handle reading about premarital sex, especially partaining to me, then stop here.
Seriously.
We have all heard the saying too much of a good thing is bad. For awhile I didn't believe that this was even possible, until I drank too much water and was vom bombing in the bathroom at subway. What I never planned on believing was that something that was meant to bring people together could drive them apart.
Sex is meant to build a connection, ideal it is suppose to be something that is saved for marriage and it will be a bond that connects you two together for the rest of your life. This belief has seemingly become "old fashion" which sometimes makes me wonder if there is a connection between the new belief of premarital casual sex and divorce rates. But beside the point. When I lost my virginity it was to someone I cared about, but honestly never could see my self with in the long run. And we had sex, all the time. What became something that was suppose to connect us, to make me feel closer to him, became a stress reliever, an every day thing. And after me and Romeo parted I thought it was alright that I wanted to have sex often, even though society believes that girls have zero libido. But it became evident that sex was becoming the only thing I could give, and sex isn't suppose to be a gift. It is suppose to be something that is earned, and cherished and all that bullshit you learn from your parents and church or temple. That bullshit ends up being true.
So in here is where my problem lies. I never viewed sex as a privilege. I never thought about how I should let the other person earn it and realize that I am special because I always thought that in some way I deserved to be loved like that, even if just a few times, before the guy deserved it. And sex begins to lose meaning. And I'm finding this true to happen in my relationships. I like sex, call me a nympho, but I think it is fun. I'd would prefer to bone then go to the gym as my work out, and I always feel physically great after. But maybe something I was missing is that when it is the right guy, having sex all the time begins to lose meaning. It isn't as special. And one of my biggest fears is that it will become boring.
One of my favorite movie quotes is from Love & Sex. Adam and Kate are discussing how after awhile saying I love you loses meaning, and becomes almost like saying I cheese sandwich you. It means nothing.
That is my biggest fear that one day I wont be able to express how I feel because stating my emotions will lose meaning, and physically showing them will too. I don't ever want my boyfriend to feel like I just want to have sex and that it is meaningless, and maybe the only way to do that is to realize that sometimes too much of a good thing is bad.
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