"Love is too strong a word to say it too early, but it has too beautiful a meaning to say it too late."
Recently I ventured to the movie theaters, something I despise doing unless it's four dollar movie nights on Tuesdays or I'm dying to see the movie, with my friend Matt (don't worry it was free). But we saw the movie the Descendants. I won't give away any detail so no need for a spoiler alert, however I want to talk about the opening scene. Elizabeth, the wife to George Clooney, is in the hospital in a coma after a boating accident. The movie begins with him sitting in the hospital by her bed talking to her. He says he knows he was gone a lot, and that their marriage wasn't the best, and that if she wakes up he will stop traveling, he will be the best husband, and they can go to counseling and finally, finally figure out their marriage.
When my dad was in the hospital I saw this happening too. Not while I looked through his medication to take it the hospital, not while I broke at least 12 traffic laws to get to the hospital, but when I sat in the room with my mom outside calling our family, while the doctors where frantically moving in and out of the room and my dad's eyes kept rolling back in his head. It was that moment, while I just sat there crying that I kept thinking, if he just wakes up, if he is just okay I swear I'll scratch his back more, answer my phone when he calls, not get mad about little things, spend more time at home, and maybe get after him a bit about how much beer he drinks. Or when my mom would sit in there and come out after a few minutes crying. She always went in alone so I couldn't ever tell you what she said but I know that February changed their relationship for a bit. They said "I love you", they shared a bed, and a few times they went to a movie or dinner together. Things changed.
When something bad happens, when there is truly nothing we can do to change the outcome but we have to let professionals take over or just accept the fate, that is when we are ready to change, when we are ready to tell someone we love them and care about them and really would change to make things work. We wait till the last minute to offer all these things. Is it because we know we might not have to do them like when we make deals with God, "God, if I'm not pregnant I swear I'll wait to have sex again till marriage?" we know that if we aren't pregnant we sure as hell aren't holding up the end of that deal. Or is it the timeless tale of realizing the value of the person in our lives while we are losing them?
After my dad's hospitalization I started to do things different. I answer when he calls, not always but mostly, and I try to talk to him every day, I don't always scratch his back and I get after him on his alcohol intake, but what changed the most was my own realization of the people who are important to me. To me each hug is different, not just from my dad but from anyone my mom, sister, brother, friends, or boyfriend. I'm quick to love someone and care for them, and I love everyone deeper than I use to. I want the people in my life to know they matter to me. And maybe that is how we should all be. It shouldn't take a near death experience for us to change how we love.
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